Back in the day (1991) when I was a n00b staff writer on PC Format magazine (before the term ‘n00b’ had even been invented), I had the unadultered joy of reviewing the original Civilization. I still have a boxed version of the Microprose-published game, complete with tech-tree chart and 5.25-inch floppy disks. Sigh. Anyway, more recently I’ve been spending far too much time play Civ 4, which is nearasdammit perfect but I feel can be improved in a few ways. My Python and XML skills are nowhere near good enough, so I guess this is something of a “Dear Sid…”
1 New Tech – Sport
For me, this is the one area where Civ 4 is truly lacking – there is no sport in the game at all. A shocking omission. Researching sport will enable production of sport-related units and wonders, some of which are detailed below. Others of which I haven’t thought of yet, but I’m sure you will.
2 New National Wonder – The World Series (requires: Sport)
Available only to the United States and only when they’ve researched sport, The World Series national wonder increases happiness throughout the continent it’s built on. Go Sox! (Or something.) But, more importantly, other civs find it so fantastically irritating that the Yanks can be so self-obsessed that they’ve called their nationalgame’s main competition the World Series, that their happiness is reduced (until they also research Sport). Additional possibility – every year, the World Series is played and if the Canadians win, US happiness is reduced. Titter.
3 New National Wonder – Wembley Stadium (requires: Sport, Steel)
Only available to the British and only when they have researched Sport et al, Wembley Stadium should be a National Wonder that increases happiness throughout the civ, especially in the capital (the only place it can be built). In reality, it ends up costing a lot more and taking a lot longer to build than you originally thought. And all the time it’s being built, it increases the happiness of other civs because they’re having a laugh at your expense.
4 New Unit – The Pervert
Controversial one, this. Operating in a similar way to a Spy, the Pervertis sent into another civ’s city to look up skirts, fiddle with children and animals or do whatever else it is they like doing. It causes additional unhappiness and reduces the growth rate of the city. Perverts don’t work if the opposing civ is a Police State, and building a jail will bring an end to the Pervert’s nefarious activities. Civs that produce Perverts suffer enormous civ point penalties because, let’s face it, this is the social-engineering equivalent of the nuclear option.
5 New World Wonder – The Panama Canal
Unique because it’s the only World Wonder built by workers, the Panama Canal connects two oceans across a continent (just like the real thing). This enables naval units to cross quickly from one side of the world to the other, but the major disadvantage is that once they’re in the canal, units cannot turn round. Have you ever seen a barge turn round in a canal? Exactly. Other civs have to pay to use your canal (stop sniggering at the back).
6 New Building – McDonalds (Requires: Currency)
A double-edged sword this one. A fantastically cheap way to increase the output of a city’s farms – Big Macs for 99p! – but at the same time having a McDonald’s decreases the city’s health because the population bloats up faster than an xBox-bound 8-year-old living on a diet of Dairy Lea Lunchers and Dr Pepper. Double negative health impact if you haven’t developed the Sport tech.
7 New Technology – Photography
After a visit to the birthplace of pornography – sorry, photography – today, it struck me that without photography we wouldn’t have a whole host of wonderful things, including, er, photographs, movies, cinemas, TV, jazz mags and pornography in all its various guises. Researching Photography would unleash a whole host of happiness-helping and culture-enhancing city improvements, seemingly without any negative impact. (Do you see what I did there?)
8 New World Wonder – Pornography (Requires: Photography)
Forget the Pyramids, Pornography will instantly be the most sought-after World Wonder in the game. It has enormous benefits, not least an immediate increase in research (from photography to VHS to DVD to streaming video pr0n has been on the bleeding edge) and commerce because it’s the multi-billion dollar industry that nobody really likes to admit to being part of ($1.6 billion a in 2006 on pay-per-view alone!). There will, of course, be a negative impact because not everbody likes pr0n, whether it’s in hotels or not.
9 New National Wonder – alt.binaries.pictures.erotica (Requires: Photography, Pornography, The Internet)
Only available to extremely advanced civs, a.b.p.e immediately increases happiness but increases maintenance costs because the five-finger-shufflers are getting their onanistic gratification for free rather than having to pay for it like most upstanding masturbators in the community.
10 New Technology – Sex Toys
Well, I had to justify posting this on sextoysinsider.com somehow 
Any civ that researches Sex Toys gets a huge increase in happiness and population growth. Slight reduction in productivity because the populace is spending so much time having fun between the sheets that it’s got less time to spend at work. If you’ve researched Music and Sex toys, you’ll be able to produce the iBuzz National Wonder.