Now this might seem an unusual topic for a post in a sex toys blog, but it’s here because these ad sales bastards need to be told. Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are in ad sales, but one of the things that really annoys the shit out of me is when we get cold-called by ad sales people on our freephone customer order line. It wastes our time, it costs us money and it shows they haven’t been arsed to do the faintest bit of research into how to contact us. And it’s even worse when the twats are trying to sell us a magic way of “getting to the top of Google” because what they really mean is that they’re reselling pay-per-click adverts. And that means that they’ve cost us even more money because they’ll most likely have come to our site to get our phone number by clicking on one of our Google or Overture adverts. Fuckers. So, for a short while, I’m going to pretend I’m living in a fantasy world where ad sales executives actually give a tu’penny shit about the companies that they’re calling and actually have an ounce of self re-cocking-spect and want to take an iota of pride in a job done properly. And they can start by following these guidelines…
1 Find the correct way to contact the prospect
Do not assume that just because a phone number is shown on a Web site that it is the correct way to contact that company. The number might be for a customer order line, not for the company’s head office where the decision-makers work. Look for a section of the site called “About Us” or “Contact Us” or “FAQ” where you will most likely find instructions on how to contact the company.
In our case, Contact Us takes you to a feedback form where you can send us a message. Or you can click a link to see a page of e-mail addresses for different company departments, with specific instructions for advertising sales people:
To sell us an advert on a Web site or in a magazine, please send us an e-mail. We certainly won’t buy one if you call our order line.
Contacting the prospect in the incorrect way is worse that not contacting the prospect at all. You waste their time and money. You waste your time and money. You don’t make an effective call. You create a bad impression of you and your company. You alienate the prospect and reduce the likelihood that they will ever buy advertising from you or you company.
Taking 5 minutes to find the prospect’s preferred way of being contacted will enormously increase your chances of making an effective call, of having your initial pitch listened to or read, and even of making a sale.
And ultimately of earning that big fat commission cheque that you can’t wait to snort up your nose.
2 Research the prospect’s business on their Web site
Before you e-mail or call the prospect using their preferred method of contact, make sure you have some clue who it is you’re calling and what they do. Check the “About Us” section to find out as much about the business as you can.
Do not take it for granted that the name of the Web site is the same as the company. Know who you are dealing with.
Find out what products they sell and in particular what their best-sellers and new products are. This is as simple as browsing the Web site for a few minutes and looking for a section called What’s New or Best Sellers (it’s not rocket science). Then, when you call, you can give the impression that you know what you’re on about. “I see you’ve just launched the LoveHoney Auto Pulsator Power Ring. How are sales going? Have you thought about advertising it in [my media]?”
Find out what other Web sites the company runs. As well as running www.lovehoney.co.uk, LoveHoney Ltd runs more than 20 sites with names like Queer Gear (gay), Sensible Johnny (condoms) and Buynotshy (sexual health), which gives you more opportunities to sell us advertising, especially if you represent media relevant to those sites’ audiences.
And finding out what other Web sites the prospect runs will stop you making a total cunt of yourself and wasting everybody’s time by calling LoveHoney, Queer Gear, Sensible Johnny and Buynotshy in rapid succession WITHOUT EVEN REALISING YOU ARE DIALLING THE SAME FUCKING NUMBER EACH TIME. FFS.
The ‘About Us’ section might also tell you what awards the company has won and publicity they have had, which will give you an idea of what you’re up against. Are they a serious player who’ll most likely know what they’re on about? Or do they look like a bunch of muppets who you can probably fleece with some fancy patter and fast moves?
3 Research the prospect online
The prospect’s Web site isn’t the only source of information about them – the Internet can be useful like that, too.
Chances are that the prospect’s Web site doesn’t reveal the names of the company’s advertising decision makers. One option is to phone up and ask who they are, but that’s almost as lame as phoning up and asking for “the person who dealing with Google advertising.”
Another, marginally better, option is to e-mail and ask for the correct contact name. Politely e-mailing a customer care department (if that’s the only e-mail address available) is better than making a cock of yourself by ignorantly calling the first phone number you find on the prospect’s site.
But the best option is to use the Internet to find the name of somebody to call. It needn’t take long and having the name of someone will massively increase your chances of making an effective call. But how can you use the Internet to do that?
Use Google
Company officials are often named in press releases. Search Google for LoveHoney press release and you quickly find a site where all our press releases are archived. And in every one, a member of staff is quoted. Bingo. And oh look, the correct phone number is on there, too.
Or you could search for the company name followed by founder, director, marketing manager, marketing director, interview, advertising… Use your imagination.
Alternatively, you could search for “[domain name press] release”, which just so happens to lead us to the next way of finding company contact details.
Find domain name registration details
Companies have to provide technical and administrative contacts for their domain names. Individuals can opt out of providing this information to the domain name registrar, but companies (in the UK, at least) are not allowed to.
If the prospect has a .co.uk domain name, go to Nominet, enter the domain name in the search box on the right of screen and in an instant you’ve got a screenful of contact love. Actually, that’s bollocks – the Nominet search results don’t always show the contact details.
But if you go to Whois.com and do the same kind of search for a .com domain, you will get the contact details. At least, you do for lovehoney.com. Worth a try and better than looking like a dick, eh?
Go to the Companies House Web site
If your prospect’s ‘About Us’ page reveals that it is a limited company, you can pay a visit to the Companies House Web site to find out more about it. Click the ‘Find Company Information’ link on the right of the screen and then enter the company’s name.
You can get some basic information about the company this way, but to get detailed information such as the company annual return (which shows the directors’ names) or the company accounts, you have to pay a couple of three quid. Which you probably won’t be bothered to do. Still, the information is there if you need it.
Use Alexa.com
Owned by Amazon, Alexa.com is a really useful site for all kinds of reasons. Whack in the domain name of the site that you’re interested in and it spews back lots of information including a finger-in-the-wind ranking of how busy the site is, a list of other sites that link to the site, alternative sites that people who visit the site also go to, and other sites that share registration details with the site you’re interested in. Oh, and also some contact details for the site.
The downside is that the contact details may well be out of date – they certainly are for LoveHoney – but all the other information should make Alexa a must-visit site any ad sales rep. Not only do you get to find out whether the site’s popular (if it’s not, maybe they can’t afford to advertise – or maybe they can’t afford not to advertise) but you also get a ready-made list of related sites – more prospects, in other words.
It’s quick, it’s free, it’s easy. No excuses for not using it, then.
4 Talk to your colleagues
It really should go without saying, but based on my experience, ad sales types don’t talk to each much, if at all. Maybe they’re jealously guarding their hot prospects to ensure they hit their targets, but most likely they’re too lazy or too thick. Or both.
Today we had an ad sales call on our 0800 number. I called back partly to complain and partly because there’s always the faintest scintilla of a chance that they might have something good to sell, and was utterly gobsmacked to be told “Oh, it doesn’t matter, since I call you I’ve found out that you’re one of ours already. I don’t need to talk to you.” WTF!?
Before you pick up the phone, take a moment to ask around the office: “Has anyone called this prospect before? Does anyone know anything about them?”
Maybe your company, if it’s not a complete churn-and-burn shithole of an operation (is it really like Boiler Room or Glengarry Glen Ross where you work?), even has something vaguely resembling a computerised database system where you can look up the prospect’s contact details.
It might have the name and number that you need to call to have the best chance of making a sale.
It might even give you a history of contact with the prospect, including the last time that they were irritated by one of your company’s stupid fucking sales calls.
No, you don’t need to call me back in 3 months’ time to find out whether the situation has changed. You will still be trying to peddle crap banners on Excite or Google AdWords masquerading as SEO for the unenlightened.
And we will still be happy to do business without you.
But in the remotest unlikelihood that we do need you, we’ll call you.
DON’T CALL US.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Let me guess…… Reach Global….. Touch….
We have had Touch muppets on two of our sales lines at the same time….
Yeah, they are 2 of the worst. No matter how many times you ask to be put on the “Do not call” list, the calls still keep on coming…
I’ve even e-mailed and spoken to people who are notionally in charge of these companies, but they are singularly ineffective in carrying out their promises to end the calls.